Bear: Good evening Roy.
Roy: Howdy Ho! What happened to your hair?
Bear: Well, I decided to get it buzzed off. Jonah and I both received the same cut.
Roy: You better get a drink in my hand, because I don't know how long I can look at that head without being fully buzzed myself.
Bear: If that's what gets you through the night then let's get it started with a couple of beers.
Roy: Excuse me my fine chap, do you have any good beers?
Server: We have a fine selection of beers (reads a list of beers starting with Bud and B. Light).
Bear: I will have a Michelob Golden Light.
(we asked for 24oz. mugs)
Bear: I hear that your going to play for Uncle Gary?
Roy: Yes, me and 44 are going to have a reunion. It will be ROCKarific!
Bear: When was the last time 44 played together?
Roy: 44 plays every day in my heart and in my boom box. (Roy is finished with beer #1)
Bear: For those that don't know Uncle Gary could you tell us who Uncle Gary is?
Roy: Uncle Gary is the second cousin to my friends third nephew who is Uncle Funky.
Bear: Incredible interview so far Roy. You really are painting a great picture for our readers of who Roy really is. I know that I am blessed with getting this chance to interview such a talented and beloved artist. Can I ask you a few more questions? (Roy finished with beers #2 and #3)
Roy: Shoot brother! You know, the more I drink the longer your hair seems to be getting. Do you have a magic head? (Roy slammed beers #4-#10 at one time) (It took him 30 sec.)
Bear: No, my head is not magic. However, it can do some amazing things inside of a cowboy hat.
Roy: (stares with glassy eyes at my head picturing it under a cowboy hat)
Bear: Through all your travels as a musician, what is your favorite venue?
Roy: To tell you the truth, my favorite venue is when I am at work. I love getting personal phone calls at work the most. (Roy finished with beers #11 and #12)
Bear: I will ask you one last question. Who do you think of when you go into a restroom and see poop on the back of the toilet seat?
Roy: That's easy man. I have to say there is a number two that comes to my mind. One of them is Jim, and the other one that takes the urinal cake is Meth.
Bear: Thanks Roy for this opportunity!
Roy: No problem Bear guy. When you going to finish your first beer? And for crying out loud go get a hair cut. You look like a hundred year old yeti.
Bear: (chokes down last drops of his beer and waves goodbye)
11 comments:
Holy shit, T-Clog! I was either drunker than I remember, or your transcription of that interview is the biggest travesty of journalism since the June edition of the Minneapolis North News.
Hey, twelve beers in an hour will do that to a person.
Roy was in fine form. One must wonder how he got home.
How long have you waited to work the toilet seat myth into your blog?
And while I dispute your favorite part of this story, you might want to include the fact about you walking in while I was in the middle of crapping, door closed and secured.
1. Let's not try to turn the tables here. :)
2. I have been waiting for years.
3. Roy drove home. Who knows if he made it or not. He could barely stand when I left.
4. Glad to see you blogging again.
While I did not originally intend to take issue with this 100% fabricated interview, it should be noted that I did not, and would not drive drunk.
We dined at the O.P., about two blocks from my parents' house.
You drove two blocks?
Let me say that since Dan is totally bothered by this post. I should just come out and say that everything in this post is 100% made up. I did not ask him these questions and he gave no such answers.
Dan only had two beers and he walked from his parents house.
I thought that everything would have been easily understood that it was fake and in no way real, but I guess cracks were left open for people to confuse fantasy with real actions. Hell, I thought that I would get some praise on the comment about getting my head buzzed with getting buzzed with beer. I thought that it was clever writing. Also, in the title I put MOCK. Maybe I don't know what that means.
I am sorry for making this post about something that I thought would have been very fun into one that was not funny at all.
I guess I missed the boat on humor with this group. Once again I am sorry and disappointed.
I am also sorry for the not funny e-mail about the brokeback roller coaster.
Shit! I guess I am taking a flippin time out from blogging.
Damn IT! I am so pissed right now that I should not even say anything else.
Nooo....don't be mad....
It's all happy times and lollipops.
wow
WHA????
Not sure where the anger is coming from. I agree, lollipops. Don't sweat it, T-Clog. I wasn't "totally bothered" by anything. As I said, you may have taken the best picture of me anyone ever has.
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